Area Code ... 347? Who the f... ? I don't recognize the number. But I answer anyway."What's up Mr. Denmark Vesey?"
Ha! I'm smiling ear to ear. I recognize the mellifluous voice of my girl M. I guess I've known M for 20 years. I think she was about 19 when I met her. Lived in the islands and had a little 2 year old boy.
We've kept in touch. Her son has since graduated from Howard and she has a 10 year old and a 13 year old.
In a NY drawl ... "I've been reading your blog... Got me talking to my water and shit. "
We both crack up.
So what's up M? How you?
"Guess what?! I got engaged this weekend!"
Yeah? For real? Hot damn. That's what I'm talkin' about! Congratulations! Wow. That's good news. Were you surprised?
"Yeah! I really like him! I want to marry him! But! DVeeeee! He wants to have another child! Oh my God! I'm so over kids right now. If I hear a baby cry I'll go crazy! I'm damn near 40! How I look having another baby!? But I want to marry him DV! He told me he wanted to have a baby. I said 'marry me and we'll talk'. I was joking. I didn't know he was going to do it! Next thing I know this Negro come up in here with a ring! And the kids love him! He's so good with them! But I don't want to have another baby. And you know I'm fertile. Aghhhh! I just can't see myself ..."
LOL. M is so real. She got me cracking up now. But she's so sincere. I feel her. She loves this man and she is so happy he wants to marry her. But parenting ... is exhausting. She's done it and is in the middle of doing it again. Who wants to start over.
"What should I do DVeee?"
Aight Aight Aight ...
OK. Look.
Marry him.
Marry that brother tomorrow morning. Have the baby. Do whatever. But finding a man who you want to marry and who wants to marry you may not happen again. Have twins if you have to. Just do it.
10 years go by you will have a husband and a 5th grader as opposed to some grown ass kids and up in an apartment by yourself.
Her Side said...
It sounds to me like M. already made the contribution that she wanted to make to the next generation. She doesn't wanna keep the mantle for all the women who aren't able to do so.Bad advice to have a baby to keep a man, anyway.
I'm having a hard time with this one...
28 comments:
Give her a message from Joanna PLEASE DV: Have a baby... have TEN babies...have as many babies as you can!!! I cannot wait until the day I am blessed with a child... been trying almost 20 years now.... by this time I thought I would have six kids running around at my feet.... to any woman who CAN have a baby.... DO IT!!!!! DO NOT LET LIFE SLIP YOU BY WITHOUT GIVING THE GIFT OF LIFE TO A NEW GENERATION!!!!
OMG.....OMG.... I am going to be cool.... but absolutely gorgeous... I am in total agreement with Joanna and DV....but having a baby is special..and if you are blessed to have one be grateful...and usually when a woman says she loves a man and I mean really really LOVES this man she WANTS to give him his extension without question or reservation.....remember that all your vibes will be in your womb so be sure..... GOD bless you and your man an may your decision be done in LOVE....
Dear DV,
When was the last time you said "I'm sorry" (blog excluded)....and why?
Is it silly to expect a man to admit when he is so obviously wrong?
Wow. Joanna. I feel you man. That's some sincere, open and meaningful advice right there.
That's the kind of feminine expression one will not see on Oprah.
"DO NOT LET LIFE SLIP YOU BY WITHOUT GIVING THE GIFT OF LIFE TO A NEW GENERATION!!!!"
That's Intellectuallly Courageous.
Dr. Love!
Your good will and good blessings will be greatly appreciated.
You are right. When a woman loves a man that baby thing seems to take care of itself.
Thing is.
She is damn near 40.
Having a baby at 40 is no problem these days.
But if you started at 19 ... I can imagine a woman dragging her feet.
That's like asking a 50 year old man to try-out and play on his high school basketball team again.
Going to practice with his old ass. Running suicides. Getting yelled at by the coach.
When you get older ... doing the shit you did when you were a kid ... can get old.
So ....
I feel M.
She's going to be a 42 year old woman with a child ... going through his Terrible Two's. That's going to be rough.
But all that said.
I'm with Joanna.
Getting Married and Having a Baby looks easier than - Not Getting Married and Not Having A Baby.
"Dear DV,
When was the last time you said "I'm sorry" (blog excluded)....and why?
Is it silly to expect a man to admit when he is so obviously wrong?" O. Mahogany
What's up lil sista?
Sorry?
Sorry?
um.
Be honest with you.
I aint one for "sorry".
Not that I don't make mistakes.
But I'm more likely to hit you with a ... "my fault." or a "my bad." or a "shit. what was I thinkin'?" ... than I'm going to hit you with a "I'm sorry".
"I'm ... sorry".
Don't even sound right.
What "sorry" got to do with it?
Be honest with you.
Sorry is for women and kids.
Men either fix it. Or say "fuck it".
"Just being sorry" aint natural for men.
"Men correct and move on.
Women and kids dwell."
V. Corleone
Wow! the men saying I'm sorry brought back some "teaching moments"...one of the absolute HARDEST things to do when students would be "in the wrong" would be getting one of or both to say those three words...usually when the words did come out it was if I was squeezing... the words out with great force...getting older doesnt seem to change the male or female attitude toward this difficult phrase...but women love to hear you say it especially when they know they..."Got Ya"..so I will say it so "Victory" is hers...and then we can go and MAKE UP!
lol. @ Dr. Love mmhmmm. Yes, sometimes we just wanna win but other times it just....
@DV yeah, this is what I expected. This blog is not on the women's apathy group listing. lol...
"Men correct and move on.
Women and kids dwell."
V. Corleone
What do men do when they're done wrong?
DV- I have always felt like my main purpose in life was to raise children. Now, I am 4 years away from 40, and desperately trying (STILL) to have one. AND, I have two sisters who DRIVE ME NUTS with their "I would NEVER have a child!" Talk... So, I try to tell them... if YOU don't want one... have one anyway and give him to ME! No go... but, I am convinced it WILL happen REAL SOON! But, give your friend me good wishes for a happy, and (especially) PRODUCTIVE marriage!
It sounds to me like M. already made the contribution that she wanted to make to the next generation. She doesn't wanna keep the mantle for all the women who aren't able to do so.
Bad advice to have a baby to keep a man, anyway.
I'm having a hard time with this one...
DV - does this dude have kids of his own?
Mahogany - sometimes I'm sorry is all one needs to hear, there's a certain way a man can say I'm sorry that makes it all better in a way that not even a thousand 'my bads' can ever do. I forgive easy, but if my man never said sorry I'd be hurt.
Joanna said...
"DV- I have always felt like my main purpose in life was to raise children."
I feel you Joanna. I can't think of a greater purpose.
Your sisters are just parroting the anti-family memes distributed by the Plantation.
You almost can't blame them.
The Feminist Fe•Man•ist Movement promised to "liberate" " women from the "burden" of child rearing.
(promised to make them more like men)
For decades now these messages permeated everything from film to tv to music to school books.
Motherhood is depicted as dreary. Distasteful and Punishment.
The Plantation Negros & Plantation Crackas of the "Avatar" generation are being programmed to view man ... humans ... as inherently bad, evil, a plight on the earth.
Notice in Avatar the humans were the bad guys.
Memetically that is a very important distinction.
The Message being pounded into the heads of these little computer nerds is "Save Mother Earth! ... even if you have to kill off the people to do it!"
The feminine ideal of wife and mother was replaced with the Oprah ideal of rich, poweful and manless.
@DV yeah, this is what I expected. This blog is not on the women's apathy group listing. lol..." Mahogany
Ahhhh
Nah nah nah.
Un un.
How you going to say that?
Got all the apathy in the world.
See.
I think the more a man loves a woman, the more honest he is with her.
He doesn't patronize her.
He doesn't say things "because she likes to hear it".
It might make her feel good in the short term.
But in the long term, she is going to doubt his sincerity. When he tells her something in the future, how does she know he is not just 'saying what she wants to hear'?
Nah.
I am not going to say "sorry" ... unless I feel ... "sorry".
Now.
But I don't walk around. Feeling "sorry".
And I don't want my wife feeling sorry neither.
I don't get that.
Why would you want your significant other to be "sorry" in the first place?
Kay Dub?
'xplain dat to me please.
You better take note mahogany....Ill don't say sorry unless Im sorry. And Im not...so...hypothetically if I happen to have called you a bitch maliciously then I recant then you should be happy with that.
DV what if you called a chick out of her name (bitch) and she decides to use the same terminology in reference to you? In my book that chick will never regain her status..she is on probation for at least 3 years. What do you think?
DV
Nobody goes 'round saying sorry all the time, people with apologia nervosa are annoying and the males are the most punkish men. <---insert Brits rite hurrr!
When the situation arises, you know when to say I'm sorry. 'My bad', just doesn't sound rite, not when a heartfelt I'm sorry is needed. In those situations 'my bad' is like a cheap synonym.
@ Ill
Hypothetically... why recant? You're not sorry. Or apologetic for that matter which use to be the meaning of sorry. I'm sorry. I apologize. means the same to me at least. I dont read that much into it.
Whether she's on probation or not, she is no longer in a position to be called out of her name. Works for her.
Yes, DV. What do you think?
Kay,
I couldn't have said it better myself.
Ill
LOL. 3 Years? No, I'd put you on ice the minute you said it.
"DV what if you called a chick out of her name (bitch) and she decides to use the same terminology in reference to you?" Ill
Bra.
I can't even think like that.
"people with apologia nervosa are annoying and the males are the most punkish men. <---insert Brits rite hurrr!"
Ooohhhhh.
"apologia nervosa".
That's hot.
"'My bad', just doesn't sound rite, not when a heartfelt I'm sorry is needed." KW
Um.
I see what you're saying.
Just not my style.
I just don't do the kind of shit the requires ... a heartfelt "sorry".
That's my gift to my woman.
I'm a cooooool muhfuggah.
"I just don't do the kind of shit the requires ... a heartfelt "sorry".
That's my gift to my woman."
Beautiful!
Brothas shld be flocking here to learn from you.
You want a man who say he is "sorry" or you want a man who apologizes?? cuz there is a difference... I do not want someone "sorry" in my life. If someone does something wrong, they might want to apologize, but being "sorry" is something entirely different. "Sorry" is worthless or inferior... and I do not want someone worthless or inferior in my life. Shoot, tell me you apologize, but don't tell me you are sorry....
I kinda need to know whether the fiance already has children of his own too before I can decide. Also, is he the same age as this woman?
I'm leaning toward agreeing with Her Side about not having a kid you don't want to keep a man. I think she should really dig deep and if she just doesn't want the baby let the man go.
lol. Thanks Kay Dub.
"Shoot, tell me you apologize, but don't tell me you are sorry...." Joanna
Yeah. Lot of women share that feeling with you Joanna.
I kinda need to know whether the "fiance already has children of his own too before I can decide. Also, is he the same age as this woman." Pink
Oh!
My fault Pink.
Yes.
Apparently my man has two older kids (teens) living in the islands.
And I get the impression they are about the same age.
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