6:40 AM INT. DayI hear my wife's footsteps coming down the stairs. My office door opens. I hear her early morning voice "Baby?" I answer. "Um hm. Good morning baby. How you sleep?" She responds "OK. I guess. But your daughter got in our bed last night. If she kicks me again, I'm putting her little butt outside." We laugh. She says "Baby. Could you put the trash out front? The truck is coming." "Is it Wednesday? "Yes". Why didn't Bam Bam do it? That's his job. Every Tuesday night. "He forgot." "Oh yeah? Well wake him up and tell him I said go out there and do it..." long moment of silence. Then she hits me with the passive aggressive "That's OK. I'll do it ...", turns and walks back upstairs.
Uh oh. Here we go I think. "Nah baby. Nah. Don't touch the trash." I hollar as she stomps up the stairs. She says. "Well, he's still sleeping. And they went to bed late last night."
"Yeah that's true. But it will be good for him. He needs to know that when things need to get done, they need to get done. He can go back to sleep when he finishes." I climb the steps. Make my way to my son's room. He's sleeping so hard he seems to be in another world. I tap his foot. No response. Shake his arm. No response. I reach down, pick him up and carry him out into the hall. Finally he stirs. He looks at me confused. I said "Son. You forgot to take the trash out last night. The truck is pulling up now." After it sinks in and the gravity of the situation takes shape, he springs into action. Little man grabs some shorts and runs outside to the trash shed. When he returned, he had the look of pride and satisfaction of a job well done. He knows we depend on him and he likes the feeling.
Left to her own devices, my wife would have taken the trash out and at the most scolded him for not doing it after he woke up. I consider taking the trash out not so much a chore as manhood training. Go to bed early, go to bed late, doesn't matter. The job has to get done. My goal wasn't to remove the trash, but to treat our son like a man. With so many young boys raised by women, I often wonder if the subtle lessons of manhood are disappearing from our culture.
Denmark Vesey Jr. emailed ...
Thank you for telling me to d my job. i've been gone for so long i kinda forgot
15 comments:
"With so many young boys raised by women, I often wonder if the subtle lessons of manhood are disappearing from our culture."
Yet according to feminists, womyn don't need a man to raise a fam!
You are a good father. That is what should have been done!
My wife does that too sometimes. I don't understand it. I suppose it's hard to let go of being a mother to a small child. Any mothers want to comment?
Why you even bothered to tap his foot is beyond me. My son is woken up like I was in Marine boot camp, if any part of his daily mission is not accomplished--like all hell has just broken loose. He doesn't enjoy it, but immediately understands he's at fault, and these instances are rare. He gets the point, as I'm sure your son also gets it. I recall as a boy getting into discussions about whose dad was tougher. There was a secret pride knowing that your dad was tougher on you than the other dads. At least in my neighborhood.
I stuck a picture of my face on his door with a bubble that says simply "Consequences". He gets the point, but it is rare that I have to raise my voice or repeat myself anyway.
Strange, I think we are in rare agreement here.
Anon, I don't think a man is required, but I think it's optimal. There are plenty of men who are weak, abusive, or just shitty fathers. And there are women who are strong enough to do the job alone. Depends on the situation.
Cute kid. Cute story. And yes, I probably would have just taken the trash out myself and scolded him later.
So, apparently this is a female trait.
Me and my oldest son, who is only two, are already engaging in this dance. I'm trying to teach Little Man that life is about choices and consequences. Momma wants him to be her baby until he gets on her last nerve, then she wants to kill him. I prefer to keep the discipline constant, so he learns the underlying lesson.
I remember my mom and pops waking my brother and I up many Saturday mornings and rushing us to get the trash out on time. But, it was both my parents so maybe it's not a female thing, but just a sign of how the world is changing our mindsets about raising children.
True Story.
I was talking to a male friend of mine one day, just wishing that I had some man in my life that would take care of my car...keep it extra clean and what not. (The majority of us females just lack skill in that arena).
He said in response. "I thought you had a son".
And I do. He just turned 11.
A moment of intense illumination occurred, and my car has been squeaky clean errrr since.
My son just turned 18..graduated from highschool and is looking forward to attending the AIA..he has been taking out trash, laundering his own clothing, making his bed and vacuuming the house since he was 10yo....responsibility is the glue that attaches the man to the boy...
the good nurse
Mother and son does not equal Mother and daughter does not equal Father and Son.
Well done DV. I consider waking him up out of a good, deep sleep to immediately take care of a responsibility a mild punishment in itself. The scolding he would have received from a mother, in this case, isn't necessary. A kid with a sense of pride will be disappointed that he made a silly mistake and take a step or two on his own to make sure he remembers every Tuesday night.
KP
Great post DV! You were up early getting ready to go play a round of golf? Don't hurt'em too soon.... pars are good.
Kudos! DV Kudos!...
On this topic:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/07/01/bia.single.black.women.adopt/index.html
Big Man, that was a nice article. I agree with the woman who said that since the child was going to be raised by a single woman anyway she might as well be raised by a woman who is financially and emotionally ready to raise her. I would like to be married and have children soon because I'm also not getting any younger. But if I find myself somewhere around 35/36 with no prospects I will be doing the same thing.
Hey Sista Nurse.
I knew you would raise a good man.
DV...that means a lot.
tgn
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