Her Imperial Majesty Sista Nurse said...
Help a sista out please...My son is 18..and despite my maternal view of him..he is a man. A man who until Oct 5th is living with his mother..a mother who although loves him dearly has HIGH expectations of said son.
Now, I have to admit, being my only child he has been afforded things that some would characterize as "spoiling"..I'll accept that. But, he is a great young man. Responsible, works at Red Lobster, loves God, kind and generous..respects authority and has an infectious smile..now here lies the issue..the negro can be LAZY!
He hates cleaning his room and his bathroom..I am ready to put him and all his shit on the street..for real. Trying to maintain this mother/son relationship is becoming increasingly more difficult..no longer the little boy requiring, hell even insisting on my direction..now a man who no longer feels he needs my two cents.
How did you gentlemen handle the transition..the dance between mother and son..into adulthood...manhood? All wise counsel greatly appreciated..
the good nurse aka the bishops mama
Michael Fisher said...
Can a mother make a son a man?No. She can't possibly.
To a woman being a man is a theoretical thing. She knows or thinks she knows what a man should DO, but doesn't know what being a man IS.
A boy needs to experience manhood in order to be a man. In vast sections of the black community that has not been the case in three generations of child "parents".
What we have now among black males as far as the eye can see is girls in men's bodies.
37 comments:
Well where's his "daddy"/sperm donor?
Uh, wow. Not the best approach to ask that question in that manner illest...u really don't know me like that....now to answer the question "where is his father?"...he lives in another state but is involved in his life. Be careful how u pose ur questions..could get u cussed out.
peace...oh, and I will take it that u are not "wise counsel"..so thanks anyway.
the good nurse
Apparently, I do know you like that. This problem has "single mama, no daddy" stamped all over it. You are hardly unique, in fact within the 70% majority now.
But questioning this is not the problem. NOT questioning this is the problem.
Well Illestmind,
You got some shit stamped on you too muhfuggah.
Coward and bitch pop to mind immediately.
I mean, I'm sure you got a few statistical shortcomings yourself. The testicular shortcomings are apparent.
You've spent a great deal of time monitoring the black birthrate. When are you going to reproduce? Do you have a woman? Have you made a baby? Your little peter bug still work?
I'll take a son raised by a single mom any day of the week over No Son At All.
If that aint gay Byrdeye, it had might as well be.
Good Nurse,
Going away for college helped me and my brother tremendously. We were raised by a divorced single mom since I was four and my brother an infant.
We remained in state but a few hours away so that meant we could return to the comfort of home for the holidays and odd weekends but also had to needed to hold down jobs and do our own laundry. Ramen Noodles were a regular staple but we survived. The United States military has served a similar role for young men.
Denmark Vesey, brilliant riposte.
Illest,
While I appreciate your concern and your attempt to "set me straight"...let me help u gain some clarity.
This issue of single mother headed households has more to do with the lack of men claiming their place in the family. I had no choice but to raise my son..and although his father made his attempts to assist it was unfortunately not enough. Now, for that, I will not apologize. I am not one to toot my own horn, but "toot, toot muthafuggah"..I have done a damn good job raising a black man that any woman would be blessed to call husband, that any community would be blessed to call leader, that any fellow black man would be honored to call brother...so don't cry for me...try and stake that claim for yourself.
My call for input and insight into how to navigate this next leg of this race into manhood that my son is on was sent out only to the men who can effectively articulate what it is to posess the essence, the je ne se qua...the badass swagger that is the Black man...if u dont have it..please keep your bullshit responses to yourself..or better yet..tell your mother.
regards,
tgn
@sub..thank you so much for your kind words..he will be leaving for college the end of Sept and I am positive growth will occur...
DV,
My most heart felt thanks..for having my back...
tgn
Can a mother make a son a man?
No. She can't possibly.
To a woman being a man is a theoretical thing. She knows or thinks she knows what a man should DO, but doesn't know what being a man IS.
A boy needs to experience manhood in order to be a man. In vast sections of the black community that has not been the case in three generations of child "parents".
What we have now among black males as far as the eye can see is girls in men's bodies.
"What we have now among black males as far as the eye can see is girls in men's bodies."
Give me an example Mike. How so?
Fish,
The question posed has more to do with how u and your mother dealt with your relationship as the roles changed from mother/boy child to mother/adult son...are you able to speak to that?
I am more than aware that I do not know what it is like to "be" am man..only to "love" one...but trust, my son has had great influences of black men from my Father, Pastor, friends and other loved ones...share with me how you and your mama dance this dance. thanks,
tgn
^Give me an example Mike. How so?
Men and women are equal, but they are not the same. We are governed by testosterone. There is a reason why boys were taught not to cry and not to talk about and act on their inner feelings too much. We tend to resolve things with lethal violence. That instinct has to be channeled into self-discipline.
Black males these days act too much out of emotionalism. That's why, like girls, they get into cat fights all the time. They fight like girls, too these days. With guns instead of their hands. The gun is the weapon of the physically week and coward. They also tend to keep grudges. Used to be you had a fight and shit was over. Men moved on. Looks like these days a black male will hate you for some perceived slight forever.
It is all the result of a socialization process headed and directed by females. Women don't really take violence as seriously. That's why they (1) let themselves be subjected to it more, and (2) practice it more readily in an amateurish fashion. That goes especially for verbal violence. Women will readily and without a second thought say shit that, if said by a male to another male, will get him killed. Black males, especially younger ones, do that these days too. Cat fighting in the context of the male world is lethal, you know.
^The question posed has more to do with how u and your mother dealt with your relationship as the roles changed from mother/boy child to mother/adult son
Dang, I deleted my comment to tgn by mistake. If anyone received it by e-mail, (I don't have the e-mail function on) could you please repost it?
sound advice from Fisher at 1:13pm.
followed by what is arguably some of the most preposterous and plantation-centric psychobabble I've ever had the misfortune to read at 1:40pm.
There is a reason why:
1. boys were taught not to cry and not to talk about and act on their inner feelings too much.
2. We tend to resolve things with lethal violence.
3. That instinct has to be channeled into self-discipline.
1. The actual reason reason is normotic illness (look it up) and the culture of "rugged" individualism used to rationalize normotic tendencies.
2. Nonsense. As primates, humans are prone to collective lethality. Individual lethality is an aberration traditionally arising or "installed" where there is a pressing imperative for zero population growth.
3. Self-discipline is an inherent good having nothing whatsoever to do with potential murderousness.
Black males these days act too much out of emotionalism. That's why, like girls, they get into cat fights all the time. They fight like girls, too these days. With guns instead of their hands.
The overwhelming majority of lethal Black male violence is "gang" violence. (back to that collective violence imperative)
Interesting questions redound to the phenomenon of gang culture and the void it fills with respect to what is not not forthcoming in normative culture and the protective functions it serves on the streets, in jails, and in psyches.
That's where the question of emotional incompetence and emotional miseducation comes into focus.
The gun is the weapon of the physically week and coward.
Nah. The gun is the weapon of someone who wants to get the killing done expeditiously.
They also tend to keep grudges. Used to be you had a fight and shit was over. Men moved on. Looks like these days a black male will hate you for some perceived slight forever.
There are a lot of parasitic and mentally ill muhphuggahs richly deserving of permanent ostracism.
It is all the result of a socialization process headed and directed by females.
uh yeah..., all-a-them crabs and bgd's in 64130 are being schooled and directed by their mamas...,
rotflmbao....,
Women don't really take violence as seriously. That's why they (1) let themselves be subjected to it more, and (2) practice it more readily in an amateurish fashion.
WOW!
just wow!!!
one of the most cockamamie, byrdeye'd moments in blog history.
That goes especially for verbal violence. Women will readily and without a second thought say shit that, if said by a male to another male, will get him killed. Cat fighting in the context of the male world is lethal, you know.
nah..,
lack of tactical preparation and diligent study and practice in instantaneous ultra-violence will get you killed in any number of contexts having nothing whatsoever to do with talking shit or holding grudges.
Methinkst the verbal "battling" that DV loves to showcase hereabouts puts the lie to much of what you've said about either verbal violence and braggadocio - and - the underlying origins of systemic violence among Black males.
Confusing gang culture with "woman-directed" culture is simply ridiculous on the face of it.
Now, the absence of a father and male role model in the home, may greatly conduce to one's susceptibility to "gang culture" - but then that's a whole other subject unto itself, isn't it?
Craig. I'd rather we keep it the way we had for the last 12 months or so. I don't comment on what you state and you don't comment on what I say. Ok?
Though, Craig, if you do have a copy of the advice I gave tgn, please repost it for me. Thank you.
I tremble when I think what my life would be like without my father. I truly do. I watch my wife with my two sons and she gives them much love, shows them how to wipe their ass, how to eat with a fork, etc. What I teach them is totally different. With me, they learn by doing what I DO, rather than what I SAY. That's what fatherhood is. It's more about setting an example.
Fisher, I tried my best to back up the popup and recover what you wrote that made sense, cause it was good.
However, as for the rest, I honestly don't care whether you comment on mine or not, and I will feel free to comment on yours - whenever and wherever I feel so moved.
I'm not verbally or physically constrained in either the digital or the meat worlds - so why on earth would I even consider making an exception for you?
Because you dislike me, and what I think, say, or do?
Sheeeeiiiiiiitttttt......,
With me, they learn by doing what I DO, rather than what I SAY. That's what fatherhood is. It's more about setting an example.
Word is born. You can't teach what you aren't and don't know. This kid is getting shortchanged in life, and it's a damn shame his mom didn't pick a real father, not just some wannabe-thug with swagger.
byrdeye,
that's "word is bond" you chicken head, kuklux-wannabe muhphuggah....,
go put a gun in your mouth - and stop dippin in grown folks conversation...,
^Because you dislike me, and what I think, say, or do?
No, because I think it is best to avoid unnecessary and unproductive conflict in our case.
Thank you for your efforts to back up the advice I rendered.
anytime Fisher, the advice you proffered was very practical and sound...,
as for this;
No, because I think it is best to avoid unnecessary and unproductive conflict in our case.
did you think about that when my name came unprovoked out your fingertips yesterday?
^did you think about that when my name came unprovoked out your fingertips yesterday?
Well, I don't think that particular comment was a criticism of you, but, in fact, laudatory. Should you perceive it as a slight, it is herewith withdrawn and an apology rendered.
lol,
"virulent invective"
laudatory?
if you say so....,
^"virulent invective"
laudatory?
if you say so....,
Now come on, Nulan, you know your stuff ain't exactly milquetoast.
In any case, I was referring to you being courageous enough not to hide behind an anonymous avatar unlike our heroic eye-contact-with-an-EXTREMLY-PATIENT-BLACK-cop-maintaining-selectively-bred DV here.
Lol, what are you 2000 years old? Ever heard of Run DMC?
If not, might want to press FF on your time machine to 1990, pops.
in effect
That's warning
All those weak-rhymin, rewindin MC's
My word is born
^Ever heard of Run DMC?
No. What's a Run-DMC? Some kind of computer software architecture?
Sista Nurse,
First of all, I want to thank you for sharing your experience. Seeking the counsel of men in a matter regarding your son is not only wise, it's unapologetically feminine. Which is rare these days.
Please extend my congratulations to the young Bishop. He sounds like a man who will take his education seriously.
Tell him I said to sit in the front of each of his classes and to only talk to girls who have better gpa's than he does.
Now. Back to you. Leave the cat alone about his room.
He's too old for that.
Boys become men in proportion to the responsibility they bear. Fisher said it best somewhere above. The relationship he described with his mother, reminds me of how my grandmother related to her four sons. Very deferring, gentle advice, very feminine, extremely effective.
But that's easier said than done.
Women cannot resist the opportunity TO GET AFTER men about shit.
Sista Nurse, if it wasn't his room, you'd be getting after him about something else.
I see my wife do it with our sons. Love. Love. Love. Get After.
Love. Love. Love. Get After.
That's the beat around this camp.
Love. Love. Love. Fuss.
Repeat.
I suggest it's as much a male - female dynamic as is a mother - son phenomenon.
Your little boy is a man.
Putting him out is a common ritual among black people, damn near a rite of passage.
I was 14 when my father started practicing.
But quiet as it's kept ... the getting put out ritual will kick start the process of turning a boy into a man. But it won't get him there.
Tell your son that his NUMBER 1 PRIORITY from this point forward - is getting himself a woman.
He needs a woman in his life and it can't be his mother.
Tell him to get one of them little college girls, move into a spot, start paying rent together - he'll grow up quick.
He get himself the right girl, right now, solve a lot of problems.
Men need women like boats need rudders.
The reason so many of our young men fail is that the traditional male female - relationship - marriage ritual has been replaced with school - college - job - serial monogamy ritual.
Brothers end up with "sex partners" instead of girlfriends, and baby mommas instead of wives.
Victims of liberal social engineering. But that's another story.
Yup. That's my suggestion sista. Tell your son DV said "Get A Chick".
She'll get the "lazy" out his ass.
DV,
First of all, thank you for addressing the question..
I will admit that the pattern u describe "Love. Love. Love. Fuss." is all to familiar in this house...I take your wise counsel to heart and will run with it.
I have shown this thread to my son and with that infectious smile looked at me and and said.."yep, true"...
He will begin class on October 5th and I have encouraged him to take a look around his classroom or housing development and "get a chick"...
I will keep u posted....and if u should think of any other nuggets of truth please share.
much peace and tremendous love,
tgn
I was waiting for someone to answer the question posed, that is to say what should be done in light of the circumstances present, i.e., TGN is a single parent of a son.
Talking about why she is single, etc., etc, or what she cant teach, doesnt really matter.
Just to piggy back on DV's advice, perhaps the FUSS should be replaced with consequence. Almost a dont talk about it - be about it approach. While you wont have much opportunity to speak on the condition of his room when he gets to college, there will be other issues where instead of fussin' you just allow the consequence to happen.
Whether its a stankin' ass room on a first movie night with some girl, or dirty jeans, or failing to turn his important paper in on time, He'll learn. Allow that to happen.
Just a thought....
and LOL to DV, because I KNOW I can fuss with the best of em!
@RJEsq...I know right! One question..not "can a single woman raise a man", but "how do I parent a man"..
too many of the brothers use this forum to give credence to their own self-inflated ego rants...
whatev..
thanks sista.
tgn
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