Psychologist and gay activist George Weinberg coined the term homophobia in his 1972 book Society and the Healthy Homosexual,[6] published one year before the American Psychiatric Association voted to remove homosexuality from its list of mental disorders.[7] Weinberg's term became an important tool for gay and lesbian activists, advocates, and their allies.[8] He describes the concept as a medical phobia[9]:I'm cruising down one of Atlanta's ubiquitous Peachtree Rd's listening to Jamie Fox on the Sirius radio, when I spot a Drive Through Starbucks. Cool. I'm going to grab me a hot green tea, a bottle of water, and I don't even have to jump out the car.
I pull up to the outdoor intercom. I hear a garbled, muffled, digitzed, husky, country
"Welcum ta starhbuuucks. May I tayk ya orduhr?"
Um. Uh... Yeah. I'd like a green tea please.
"ah whuut?"
A green tea. I'd like a hot green tea please.
"Wull dat be it?"
Yes, that will be it.
"That wull be a dollar fitty. Pull up please."
I pull around the corner, a window a slides open and a 6'4" grown ass black man wearing a reddish blond wig and sporting manicured long nails sticks his entire head out the drive through window towards my car while holding an iced green chi tea latte.Um. Uh... Yeah. I'd like a green tea please.
"ah whuut?"
A green tea. I'd like a hot green tea please.
"Wull dat be it?"
Yes, that will be it.
"That wull be a dollar fitty. Pull up please."
There's a long beat... Silence... Pause.
I must have been looking at homeboy like he had two tongues and three nostrils, because a look of shame seemed to creep over his face.
The electric window of my car slowly slides down as Ru Paul and I maintain eye contact. Beat.
I asked for a hot tea my man.
Ru Paul looks confused ... mumbles an apology ... and ducks his head back into Starbucks. I fish my card out my wallet and grab the iPhone to document this moment. He pops back within seconds holding a hot tea. I snap his picture while frontin' like I'm adjusting the radio, take the tea, then hand him my card.Thank you brother. I appreciate that my man.
Add a dollar on that for tip.
This seems to confuse him more. Not the tip, but the fact that I'm acknowledging his obvious manhood seems to cause him cognitive dissonance. He returns with the card, mutters a quiet curious mutedAdd a dollar on that for tip.
"thank you".
Looking him in the eye, I reply "No problem brother, have a good day my man."
The window slowly slides up. I quickly pull off.
Now, does refusing to treat a brother like a broad make me homophobic?
28 comments:
Wow...that was SUCH A GOOD STORY! I wish I coulda saw the look on his face.
Thanks for reminding him...he's probably STILL thinking about it.
Well played.
LMAO sweeeett!!! hahaaa
It IS an interesting story magne, but as much about you as about the random ATL cabin-boy.
Now, does refusing to treat a brother like a broad make me homophobic?
Nah, but this blogpost - and the level of attention that went into it - demonstrates a clear preoccupation.
Why the pervasive concern with this subject DV?
BTW - I observed unusually high levels of this identity confusion in southwest Louisiana too - and it prompts me to wonder what - aside from hormones - may be at the root of the behavior.
Aside from hormones, perhaps the late Sigmund Freud provides some insight. From Wikipedia -
Freud considered the successful resolution of the Oedipus complex to be key to the development of gender roles and identity. He posited that boys and girls resolved the conflicts differently as a result of castration anxiety (for males) and penis envy (for females). Freud also held that the unsuccessful resolution of the Oedipus complex could result in neurosis, pedophilia, and homosexuality.
If Freud was on to something, it may explain the legal obsession with removing fathers from the household by any means necessary.
Oh, another of the Denmark Vesey anecdotes that I love.
No, that does not make you homophobic. I'm wondering how you kept a straight face.
My man straight took a picture..lol
I do the same to butch lesbians who try act like men. I treat em just as sweet as pie.
"Hey babygirl"
"Aight queen"
I love it!
Ill just wrote that. up top.
Baby girl, Ill?!
Thats hilarious too.
Only DV would snap a photo. I was wondering if you really did that or if you managed to find another 6'4 brother wearing a red wig.
" Now, does refusing to treat a brother like a broad make me homophobic?"
I would not say this makes you a homophobic, but perhaps a bit less tolerant of individual personal choices. Not that this is right or wrong. Dude is a dude. But DVs election to (perhaps unnecesarily) call out his gender with "thank you brother and I appreciate that my ma" instead of merely "thank you and I appreciate that" was imo, an alpha dog power move.
A more introspective question than "does this make me homophobe might be" "Why did I feel the need to let this guy know that I know he was a man?".
Good story though.
"Nah, but this blogpost - and the level of attention that went into it - demonstrates a clear preoccupation. Why the pervasive concern with this subject DV?" CNulan
I'm surprised you haven't peeped the method to the madness yet CNu. I thought you would be the first.
Refusal to participate in the grand charade which insists a 6'4" 210 pound person with testicles is a woman - is an act of freedom. It's an act of self-determination. Acknowledgment of the truth is freedom of religion.
It's a rejection of a very dangerous meme that has more potential for genocide than Darfur and R'Wanda combined.
Calling a square a square and a circle a circle is what men do.
This blog trumpets the theme of a Global System of Black Supremacy. Dismantling the illusions of Group Identity Politics is one of my tactics to counter the propaganda of the GSWS to which the Mike Fisher set subscribes.
Not my style to sit around and lament - I act.
I was more of a father to that young man in the 90 seconds of our interaction than he had received in the 23 years of his life.
Acknowledging his manhood was a greater act of love than these Holier Than Thou, boots on the ground, homo apologists come close to exhibiting.
Reverse engineering the meme of the social engineers that taught that boy he WAS his base impulses is the logical extension of the 1822 version of Denmark Vesey who taught Negros who considered themselves slaves - that they deserved to be.
Any people consistently exposed to The truth about 911, The truth about Darfur, The truth about Israeli hijacking of US Foreign Policy, The truth about Secular Jihad, The truth about processed foods and The truth about Homosexualizing Propaganda will eventually be free.
Which is why you see all of that on this blog in one form or the other, every day.
^ Damn that was cold beautiful
The new Rosa Parks
1 small step for 1 man
1 huge step for mankind
*sheds tear*
Sunlight disinfects
Remember that
I told you ATL is a city of homos. It's the black San Fran. Watch your sons, homie. No sleepovers at someone else's house. For real. There is alot of male child prostitution in ATL. That's the only drawback of ATL.
I told you ATL is a city of homos. It's the black San Fran. Watch your sons, homie. No sleepovers at someone else's house. For real. There is alot of male child prostitution in ATL. That's the only drawback of ATL.
this felt kind of cruel. I understand your concerns about this man's choice, I share them. But, I don't think I would have felt a need to handle that like you. Mainly cause I'm guessing homie has a deep-seated issue making him live the way he's living. As a child of God, I would probably have just been polite and prayed for him.
What do you mean Big Man?
Do you really feel referring to a man ... as a "man" and a brother ... as a "brother" is cruel?
What is more polite than "Thank you brother, have a good day my man"?
What is more polite than "Thank you brother, have a good day my man"?
not putting dood's surreptitiously snapped photograph online and making him the object of your unsolicited attention?
Don't get me wrong DV, I'm not mad, I'm not criticizing, and I'm offering no apologetics. I'm just gradually ruminating on a complex data set.
As I wrote you this morning, it IS a most interesting story. However, even this late in the day, I remain convinced that the more interesting bits surround Y.O.U. - rather than the object of your attention.
"not putting dood's surreptitiously snapped photograph online and making him the object of your unsolicited attention?" CNu
rude?
How can what one is unaware, be considered rude?
As far as the photograph, we are all photographed constantly throughout the day in this age of Big Brother. Hell, I was probably on camera as I slid through the Drive Thru lane.
But, at the end of the day, this little anecdote had very little to do with Antwan or Taye or Shirley or whatever he happens to call himself.
This anecdote was about U.S.
Would CNu have paid for his tea, smiled at a grown black man wearing a blonde wig and sporting 2 inch nails, thanked him in a cooing gentle voice he'd normally reserve for a woman and participated in this grand Gender Blurring charade?
Or would he have looked at the naked emperor as if he had no clothes?
My mild mannered brother Big Man advocates the "Pretend You Don't See" approach. I can relate, to a certain extent.
However, I think we have a duty to one another, particularly men to act as Soldiers For Reality and to call a spade a spade.
I didn't see a homosexual in the window of Starbucks. I saw a son desperate for a father.
So I responded to him, as a father, looking at a son, wearing a wig. I looked at him like he was a fool.
In the window of this browser I see men increasingly uncomfortable playing the role of fathers in this culture.
Why have American men and black men in particular so readily abdicated their roles as patriarchs in this society?
Would CNu have paid for his tea, smiled at a grown black man wearing a blonde wig and sporting 2 inch nails, thanked him in a cooing gentle voice he'd normally reserve for a woman and participated in this grand Gender Blurring charade?
So the hotel I stayed at in Lake Charles, had one of its own named "Maurice". Brahman bout 6'3" with long french manicured nails, plucked eyebrows, well done makeup - errthang except the tacky red wig. I take this in mentally in a heartbeat, observe my internal reaction to it, which basically boiled down to an invisible interior recoil with accompanying thought balloon, "dayyum, hicktown drag queen, or wannabe pimp?" Nothing broke the surface of my body language or facial expression. Dood did his job cordially and professionally - and quite honestly - I gave it no further thought after that initial tick. My interactions with Maurice were cordial and normal thereafter for the next few weeks over which I intermittantly encountered him.
As for the rest, you would find me very peculiar in that I don't have a discernable expression/body language/tone of voice change of personality wardrobe for different humans. That shit is an unconscious liability that I actively worked to shed some years ago.
However, I think we have a duty to one another, particularly men to act as Soldiers For Reality and to call a spade a spade.
I didn't see a homosexual in the window of Starbucks. I saw a son desperate for a father.
So I responded to him, as a father, looking at a son, wearing a wig. I looked at him like he was a fool.
From where you sit, "acting out" - like your starbucks cabinboy was acting out - is a cry for paternal negative attention? Said negative attention being a tonic for what ails him?
In the window of this browser I see men increasingly uncomfortable playing the role of fathers in this culture.
One of the hallmarks of being a father for real, IMOHO is knowing when the role you model is substantial enough and connects enough to make a difference and leave a lasting impression, or, whether you're just mechanically striking a pose. Most folks do a WHOLE LOT of the latter and tell themselves that they're engaged in the former.
Why have American men and black men in particular so readily abdicated their roles as patriarchs in this society?
Speaking in the abstract, if you can't feed people, you can't lead people. As a rule of thumb, I don't try to lead anyone whose belly or mind I'm not responsible for nourishing.
Going along with this silly ass charade -
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,411304,00.html
Where's the Adam's Apple on "dude"?
There are some hefty sisters down here, DV.
By the way, are yu still in the ATL?
To answer your original question, yes.
What Up Sub!
Where you been man? Long time.
I listened to that little milquetoast self-appointed Hip Hop expert regurgitate the GLAAD memes.
Weak.
The attempt to classify acknowledgment of sexual dysfunction, deviance and mental illness as a "Fear" of sexual dysfunction, deviance and mental illness is an amazingly powerful oaky doke.
Even remarkably bright scientists (or especially remarkably bright scientists) like yourself dutifully participate in the Pavlovian charade.
Soon one will be classified NeoConaphobic for acknowledging warmongering Israeli lobbyists and Nicoteneaphobic for being unwilling to consume second-hand smoke.
Nah Sub. This has nothing to do with sex.
It has to do with the intellectual cowardice of those who capitulate to the psychological bullies who insist we pretend a behavior is an identity.
Today it's "Gay-Americans". Tomorrow it will be "Crackhead-Americans" and "Subprime-Americans" and "Obese-Americans".
But fuck it. Maybe you and Chico Debarge here in the YouTube video are right. Maybe I am crazy and "in fear of becoming an anal-sex enthusiast if a grown man wearing a wig serves me green tea."
It has to do with the intellectual cowardice of those who capitulate to the psychological bullies who insist we pretend a behavior is an identity.
Nietzsche introduced the term *identity* into psychological parlance. As the pre-eminent philologist of his era - he had some quite specific and very ancient notions of what that term means. Please share with us the Blackest man's non-behavioral criteria for identity?
Kwestin: Did the green tea grown man in the wig attempt to recruit you into the practice of his purported "anal sex enthusiasms"?
Did he in any manner, form, or fashion attempt to bully you?
Why have American men and black men in particular so readily abdicated their roles as patriarchs in this society?
I'm a bit confused at this DV. I remember you getting pissed at Obama for taking shots at black fathers on Father's Day. I've always been under the impression that you believe too many negative stories are dedicated to the lives of black men instead of highlighting us in our entirety. I supported that stance, yet this comments seems to lend validity to the idea that black men in particular are failing as the male leaders of their families.
I'm going to need some clarity on that.
On the drag queen, I'm not that mild-mannered and like C. Nulan I probably would have had an internal discourse about that young man's life choices. However, as I've aged, I've made a conscious decision to stop sharing my opinion or feelings on everything with everybody because I've decided that I don't want them sharing their feelings or opinions with me. So, practicing the Golden Rule, I try to let folks do them.
Now, if their actions encroach on my quality of life, I will say something. I definitely would have told my son that sort of lifestyle is wrong in the eyes of God. But, I wouldn't have felt the need to subtly make an issue of this man's masculinity when he so clearly wants to embrace the fantasy that he is a woman. I wouldn't have called him "she" or "sister," but I wouldn't have made a point to call him "brother" or "man" as often as you did. A simple "Thank you and have a good day" would have sufficed for me.
I think you did the right thing, DV. Family members of delusional individuals are often told not to play into the fantasy or scenario as bits and pieces of reality help bring the person back to the middle.
Thank You Kalena.
Wasn't for you and Robyn, these cats have me thinking I was Attila the Hun or somebody.
Where you been?
You're quite welcome!
I pretty much put everything on pause to spend some time with my little one. 24/7 mom life is really great (and really tough)! I wish i could do this 365.
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