"I found out my boyfriend's 'best friend' is a stripper. I actually got upset about it, even though I was also trying to be cool, down, and not sweating his ass over it. It was a blow to me though. He swears hes never seen her dance or naked. But I mean COME ON. I know you are always telling women to be cool with their men and work it out and all. But I don't like this."DMG said...
Can I field this one?You aren't his mother. As a matter of fact "girlfriend" means you on a trial-basis. This may be one of those "trials".
It doesn't matter if you like it or not. And so what if he HAS seen her work? All your dislike, nagging, and gas-facing is going to do is push him away until the last thing you see him do is give you two fingers as he's walking away saying, "...peace bitch".
Don't let it come to that. If there wasn't anything going on before you, chill. If something starts now, then step.
It's not rocket science.
ed said...
Males and women can definitely be friends... not men and women. Real men don't play that sh*t.
What makes O. Mahogany statement pure garbage is she fails to realize a real Black man nowadays can pretty much get what he wants, not the other way around.
"a real Black man nowadays can pretty much get what he wants,
not the other way around."
not the other way around."
O. Mahogany said...
LMAOAnd all the Black man wants is me.
....marginalized my ass, clown, the proof is in the...
...black pudding.
I am not one of these silly African-American women crying about "where are all the black men?" wahhh wahh bla bla...
I know exactly where they are. Half of em' are in my phone waiting for me to call. All the more reason why I'm stuck on a girl date with my single friends screamin' "b**** get a dude" please "take one of mine"
I'm not at all concerned with the black man's options anymore than he should be concerned with mine.
TRUST ME brother, he wouldn't wanna go there.
Men and Women are friends. Accept it or dont.
24 comments:
Can I field this one?
You aren't his mother. As a matter of fact "girlfriend" means you on a trial-basis. This may be one of those "trials".
It doesn't matter if you like it or not. And so what if he HAS seen her work? All your dislike, nagging, and gas-facing is going to do is push him away until the last thing you see him do is give you two fingers as he's walking away saying, "...peace bitch".
Don't let it come to that. If there wasn't anything going on before you, chill. If something starts now, then step.
It's not rocket science.
Look it depends on what you want from this cat...Im not judging but firstly, if a dude's best friend is a stripper that's not saying much about the calibur of man your dealing with..not to say time aren't tough on a sista...but damn....now ain't no man gonna be best friends with a stripper and not get his fuck on. That simple...so if you can deal with the fact that he's fucked his bestie then you should be alright. Most likely tho as long as theyre best friends he's always got an access pass to the puss and he will use it.
what is the energy like between them? are they like brothers and sisters or flirtatious? what is her sexuality? she might not even swing that way? why are you questioning it? don't look for trouble won't get no trouble, that's the motto.
Well.
It's obvious you don't like the situation. Understandable. So talk to your man. Tell him what you dont like about it (or fear about it). WITHOUT BEING TOO EMOTIONALLY EXPRESSIVE.
Keep it cool and hear him out. That should take care of that.
If you still dont like it. Leave him. There are plenty of other men who dont have strippers for friends. Like DMG said, you're not married- yet.
Big ups to DMG.
Let's take a step back though. Men who have female "best friends" are suspect. Men and women ain't "best friends", unless dude is gay or highly sensitive.
There is nothing to talk about with dude. He ain't a man. Bounce. And don't say you weren't warned.
"Men who have female "best friends" are suspect. Men and women ain't "best friends"
lol. I like this anonymous.
Too truthful not to have a name.
@ Anon
LOL. Suspect? Possibly.
But I def. have lots of male friends. 2 of them are my besties.
We don't mess around but I know that they would def. go for it if I were down.Sexual tension always exists between male/female friendships. That doesn't mean the line is always crossed.
"Men and women ain't "best friends", unless dude is gay or highly sensitive."
Cut it out. Men and women can definately be best friends. Yeah, I'd say they are sensitive. You have to be to enjoy that kind of company from a woman. But I dont think that's a bad thing. Just a man w/ a lot less "walk behind me b****, not in front of me!" lmao ;)
I will say this though...
If your man/woman loves you they will not be seeing that bestie of the opposite sex often. Nope. Not often at all.
Males and women can definitely be friends...not men and women. Real men don't play that sh*t.
What makes O. Mahogany statement pure garbage is she fails to realize a real Black man nowadays can pretty much get what he wants, not the other way around.
Any female want to play that ish with me, I'll fly up something nice from Brazil or Columbia for her to realize how marginalized her African-American ass is to a Black man options...
I have a very good friend who is a good-looking woman that I've known since I was 17, 5 years before I met my wife. I've never laid a FINGER on her. When I met my wife, I told her that I have a good friend who is a good looking woman, introduced them and made them friends. Now, they talk more than me and my friend do. Bottom line is that if a guy has a good female friend - and that's natural, by the way - he should introduce her to his woman and disclose the "real deal" from day one.
"a real Black man nowadays can pretty much get what he wants, not the other way around."
LMAO
And all the Black man wants is me.
....marginalized my ass, clown, the proof is in the...
...black pudding.
I am not one of these silly African-American women crying about "where are all the black men?" wahhh wahh bla bla...
I know exactly where they are. Half of em' are in my phone waiting for me to call. All the more reason why I'm stuck on a girl date with my single friends screamin' "b**** get a dude" please "take one of mine"
I'm not at all concerned with the black man's options anymore than he should be concerned with mine.
TRUST ME brother, he wouldn't wanna go there.
Men and Women are friends. Accept it or dont.
Don't change the subject O. Men and women can be friends, but "best friends" is different.
Yes. It is different. An anomaly by the sound of things. I'm sure the difference in opinion has more to do with one's definition of "best friend".
I am, for all tax purposes, single.
I have a boyfriend.
My best friends (2) are men.
So why cant men and women be best friends?
Me and my best friend Paul dont do the things me and my girlfriends do. We go bowling, we politik,we listen to the new Wale album, argue over the new Wale album. Now here's the kicker : We go shopping.
That's right! We go shopping together. I bare with him while he checks out the new jordan's and I try to stay away from the dress dept at macy's. We LOVE eating together,watching movies and we often club with his other best guy friends whom I have taken on as friends too. We dont kiss. We hug. If he has a girlfriend he gets MIA (dont particularly like it buuuut now the tables are turned).Yes, we've thought about being involved. Would NEVER work.
Some would call me a "guy's girl" and he is a sensitive guy. Upon futher introspection you'd find that while I grew up in a male dominated family his family is filled with women. I think the "environment" has been set from the start. Here's a question for you.
What if dude in question has slept with this chick and later decided it was best they only remain friends (stripper title aside) Would that be a problem?
Shouldn't be. I do not own my man. AND He does not own me. I think it's just that one must be honest with one's mate.
Insecure much?
Seriously... these are the kinds of objections you see in the younger set and those with lower levels of emotional intelligence. That's not a diss... just an observation.
Also, for a moment, I considered whether this concern is a symptom of another problem stemming from underlying doubts about the relationship.
I basically agree with the sentiments that:
1. Getting pushy or emotional about this means bye-bye boyfriend.
2. It is possible he has a history with her that you may never know about.
3. As a girlfriend you have little hope of determining who his friends are.
4. If you can't deal, you should keep it moving.
I would go with my instincts. If you think something is going on between them, you're probably right. I would base it on how trustworthy he seems rather than the fact that she's a stripper. And someone else said to look at what their chemistry is like, that's also a good indicator.
As for men and women being friends, I think it's immature to think that it's not possible. I have a straight male best friend who I've been cool with since we were little kids and there's never been an attraction. His girlfriends have never had a problem with me and my boyfriends have never had a problem with him because it's not that serious.
O. Mahogany,
I already been there..no offense, but you sound real simple, sista.
Let me make something clear to you since you failed to raise up an obvious point in your blather.
A real man provides for his woman and his family. He works with his wife to raises his sons and daughters to carry on the family legacy.
All that small silly and broke "boyfriend" crap you talking about is lightweight to the world of a real Black man.
Hence, you can take your "friends" crap and go play that with the little boys. A real Black man got real things to do like raise a future generation...
Ed Im sorry but you deserve an honest hoe sit down (simply put).
I'm just as much a part of the legacy as anyone else.
You're the one finding superhuman advantages in the Black man and his options. lol Which by the way, was very off course considering this was about homegirl's issue w/ her BOYFRIEND.
Why let a little thing like a man/woman friendship come between you and OUR legacy?
Brother Ed. Sister O.
Is the question at hand whether or not is "possible" for men and women to be 'friends' ... or ... whether or not it is "OK" for men and women to be friends?
Because I suspect both ya'll are very right.
In this sense.
Certainly Mahogany. You are right sista. "Aint nothin' wrong with it".
There is nothing inherently wrong about a woman having male friends.
But Brotha Ed is right as a 90 degree angle.
"It don't matter whether it's OK or not. If you my woman, it aint happening."
"Fuck OK"
Because at the end of the day a relationship is about the balance of energy.
Masculine and feminine.
Masculine and Feminine energy is like magnetism. Its pull is not contingent upon intent.
So when a man and a woman truly bond ... all that "bff", Friends NBC TV, gender blurred shit with others comes to a stop.
... well anyway.
That's my interpretation of what ya'll sayin'.
I could be off.
Sounds straight to me DV.
I do recall stating:
"If your man/woman loves you they will not be seeing that bestie of the opposite sex often. Nope. Not often at all."
My mate will become my best friend and plenty more. Natural laws of attraction. I'm not ignorant of this. It is my reality. I was speaking in context of the post.
However, I think a minority in the generations to come will really surprise you cats with how responsibly they deal with the "my" "mine" ancient Protestant ownership mentality as it relates to the marriage bonds and having a friend of the opposite sex whom you are "allowed" to see on VERY RARE OCCAISION. ;)
Because honestly, I think there is something to learn from that time.
Fair enough?
But I'll just keep living.
"And all the Black man wants is me."
LMFAO - yup, that's exactly what Elin Nordgren thought too! LMFAO!!!!!!!!
....cuz Tiger is the epitome of black man.
I would like to exchange links with your site denmarkvesey.blogspot.com
Is this possible?
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