DMG said...
When I was younger, I was seeing this girl from San Diego, well to do. I was working 3 jobs, and going to school. She wanted someone with more...(what's the word MOTI?) "swagger" more "thuggish". [You mean somebody other than you] She hit me up on Facebook a few months ago, three kids, unmarried. Not the happy person I met back then. She asked me if I was still single. I said happily, no.
Everyone has their preference, but if one wants a thug, there are consequences for onces choice in mate. Apparently she watched too much BET, and thought her suburb upbringing needed to be more hood. She bought into the manufactured lie. "Brotha"/"sista" whatever. Maybe we should stop categorizing.
30 comments:
The idea that black women like thugs more than any other race is bullshit.
Lames trying to justify being lame.
All women like swagger. All women like a little danger, a man that projects strength.
Ask all those suburban white girls whose panties get wet for Lil Wayne and 50 Cent. Black women are not more likely to like thugs than anyone else. They are more likely to date "thugs" because they are less likely to date interracially and more black men have been caught up in destructive lifestyles due to a variety of factors.
That was a long way of saying "the black chick didn't like me back in the day so now I don't like them."
Its all good. Just put it out there.
RJESQ
Big Man,
Nice to see you Bro.
DMG,
Thank you for your response. I didn't want this too seem like a "Black Issue" with all the loaded meanings of the term.
I think we live in a world where it is such that colour lines have been constructed and the only way is to deconstruct them. To deny that would be liking living in an imaginary world. It's how you go about deconstructing these memes that matters. And each one's way of countering this is different.
I get that.
I prefer to see a color-sighted rather than color-blind world where things are conveniently swept under the carpet.
...I don't think the Black American experience makes "sista" status automatic and exclusive. It's a universal term that's transcended the physical, political, cultural, linguistic borders that historically been devised divide us. A conscious Black woman from Brooklyn, NY is no less a sista than a conscious Black woman from Melville, Johannesburg.
...I think the Obama family being in the White House means alot for Black folks in the US and all over the world. That he married a Black woman certainly says alot to me and many other Black people. But had she been White I think it would hve been a talking point but if she exuded the grace, beauty, style and strength of Black Mrs O, in her own way of course, people would have liked her. But the connection would have been different. Sistas wouldn't see themselves in her nor as inspirational a figure as the Black Mrs O is. That's just what it is, even tho' I do agree with you about accepting people for who they are.
...I disagree with the qsn you pose. For all the accomplished Black men out there marrying non-Black women there are accomplished Black women. Some of them are marrying but more and more are not marrying - as Kit's post a few weeks back showed.
Reasons are plenty and I'm not pointing fingers at anyone, but I think part it has to do with this Angry Black Woman myth. In this context it's played out as that an accomplished Black Woman is more of a threat than an asset; she would make it 'hard' for a brotha to love her. And this kinda stress a brotha wld never get from a White woman - ergo the attraction law of least resistance DV previously mentioned.
But all of this is false. Tiger Woods' is testament to that. People across the board are angry and some are not. It depends on one's individual experience as y'say.
...one
I couldn't imagine meeting a woman, vibing with her, learning from her, digging her out and then not being able to fulfill my committment to her because she's "latina" or "asian" or "white." That's some bullshet. Love sees no color. If you can't bond with a woman because she's not a "sista," you a chump.
As always, IwonderAsIwander said the most insightful poxting about choosing a mate.common sense.
DMG, I liked your "guest post" a great deal and agreed with most of it.
The only thing I disagree with is "I don't believe in the concept of "racial lines"...
I do but mainly because it's the political and social reality I and most if not all other blacks have to deal with, i.e. racism, and escaping the bigotry and hate of those who do is impossible.
Otherwise good job.
"The idea that black women like thugs more than any other race is bullshit."
I'll buy that. It's not the race it's the mentality, which I'll describe briefly as Ghetto. You don't have to live there to have said mentality. The girl in question had this mentality (or at least tried to fake it, despite living in a rather nice safe neighborhood). Funny thing was...I actually LIVED in a ghetto, and knew it's realities, she only knew what she saw on MTV and BET.
RJESQ, No it was a way of saying that particular girl was too superficial, and wanted "style over substance". I wish her and her three children good luck.
KW,
"A conscious Black woman from Brooklyn, NY is no less a sista than a conscious Black woman from Melville, Johannesburg"
The difficulty is defining "conscious" with shifting meanings that may be changed out of convenience.
"That he married a Black woman certainly says alot to me and many other Black people."
Why? Just as long as she's Black? Even if she were a loud mouth ghetto fabulous twit? You make too much of a single physical property. It's the substance and depth of the woman's character that matters to me. I like Michelle Obama...and would LOVE to for my son to date a woman with those attributes...good thing they have a daughter around his age.
"she would make it 'hard' for a brotha to love her."
If she buys into the Angry Black Woman myth, maybe she would. People buy into alot of false things. Why don't we take these poorly defined "brotha/sista" words out of our conversation.
We are talking about men and women.
"brotha/sista" is a new and meaningless concept.
The myth of accomplished women being a threat is not something exclusive to black women. I've had plenty of female colleagues attempt to HIDE the fact that they are physicians or surgeons because they feel being more accomplished decreases their chances for finding someone.
"And this kinda stress a brotha wld never get from a White woman - ergo the attraction law of least resistance DV previously mentioned."
Bullshit. Stop stereotyping MILLIONS of people down to one Disney/Barbie doll concept. You don't like being distilled down to the Angry Black Woman, stop it...it's beneath you. I mean you DO realize that our host is fucking idiot right? You can't honestly say you believe a word of anything he's dribbled down his chin? Fun and games aside..
"But all of this is false. Tiger Woods' is testament to that. People across the board are angry and some are not. It depends on one's individual experience as y'say."
Tiger Woods is a testament to WHAT? Perhaps he cheated on his wife, perhaps not. Do YOU know Elin personally? Have you had a conversation with the woman? No, neither have I. If I looked at your picture and decided to make judgements on who you are and described you as, black, poor, with 8 kids, from 8 baby daddy's, living on welfare, raising future thugs you would RIGHTFULLY LOSE your mind, because I'm working from the ugliest of stereotypes. Why do you feel the need to stereotype that woman?
About getting stress. I don't care if the woman is black or white, I don't want stress from anyone. I have and will again send anyone who thinks it is their right to stress me out packing.
IWAIW,
As always on point.
"The only thing I disagree with is "I don't believe in the concept of "racial lines"... "
I don't have to believe in other peoples stupidity, as I've often stated here. Racial lines are false concepts created by inferences made by our imperfect processing of the color spectrum.
(In other words...it's all in your head). Stevie Wonder don't know what black or white is.
Trill,
By the way. Thank you.
DMG
Holdup. Things are being misinterpreted and I need to clarify:
1. I wasn't saying that that's what it is; I was talking about the myth. The myth is that the ABW would "make it hard". Maybe I should have put it in quotation marks.
2. On Mrs O: No I don't think it's that she's Black so she gets an automatic pass. That's silly, we all earn our stripes by the people we are not the racial group we belong to. I think if she were "a loud mouth ghetto fabulous twit" I'd be quite critical of her and Mr O's choice of companionship. But she is not a ghetto fab twit, and I do look at her as an inspirational figure and as an inspirational Black woman because I see me represented in her. Just as I see a part of myself or my ideals represented in the Dalai Lama.
3. ""brotha/sista" is a new and meaningless concept."
That's relative - to me it's synonymous to man and woman mean on an entirely different level.
4. "The myth of accomplished women being a threat is not something exclusive to black women."
True, but I was speaking in strict context of the ABW myth and in response to your comment about an accomplished Black man.
5. "And this kinda stress a brotha wld never get from a White woman - ergo the attraction law of least resistance DV previously mentioned."
Bullshit. Stop stereotyping MILLIONS of people down to one Disney/Barbie doll concept. You don't like being distilled down to the Angry Black Woman, stop it...it's beneath you."
As with point 1 - I was speaking about the myth not what I believe that's why I said it's false.
6. "Tiger Woods is a testament to WHAT? Perhaps he cheated on his wife, perhaps not."
Testament to the myth that someone would have it "easy". No I don't know Elin personally but I know she was betrayed by her husband and she was hurt by what he did. If we are to believe what we've read thus far, he's def not having anything 'easy' and has to make it up to his family.
DMG I really do think you over-reacted or mis-read me, I really wasn't making any race-charged statements. I hope I've clarified above.
...peace
Edit:
1. I wasn't saying that that's what it is; I was talking about the myth. The myth is that the ABW would "make it hard". Maybe I should have put THAT WHOLE SECTION in quotation marks and new paragraph.
And one more thing color does not have to be seen to be known. Some sighted people claim to not see color. Life experience is what makes Stevie see color, the lyrics in his music say it all. KW
We wouldn't have such a ridiculous percentage of single accomplished black women if these women wouldn't restrict themselves to just black men.
We all have to live.
I Wonder As I Wander
I have never considered "bonding" with a white woman.
That would have required me to be comfortable around them and have an interest in building something with them romantically. I believe you only fall in love with folks you want to fall in love with.
So, if I have no interest in dating a white woman and feel no desire to establish a long term relationship with a white woman, how could I end up with a white woman. Hell, to be honest, I've never met a white person period who passed my friendship test, so it's no surprise that I've never dated one. I'm cordial with many white folks, but it takes more than that to establish a real relationship and I've never had that urge.
If that makes me a chump by your definition, than that's cool.
I believe you only fall in love with folks you want to fall in love with.
Big Man is Truth. Accept no substitutes.
Or maybe you just fall in love.
Big man, everyone has their preferences. If you've never had white friends that's your choice, that's your business. I don't know what circumstances were involved in your interactions with white people, but you might want to consider the difficulty might be the fences you are putting up. But to each his own.
After alot of introductions the first week of med school I found that I had something in common with quite a few people from different backgrounds. And as always, my group of friends looked like the UN. Some of the black students couldn't understand why I didn't want to huddle in the corner with only them in the "black" section.
I said I paid as much money as the the other students and was entitled to more than a corner.
The world is too big to huddle afraid in corners.
By the way...I don't recall saying who I married, or if I even am married...
^^ You don't need to say.
Of course you are married to a white woman.
It all adds up.
Unless she's already left your ass for "thug" too.
MOTI,
For a man who talks alot of shit, you really don't have much substance. But THAT all adds up. You aren't that smart, or talented (you prove this daily) so you have this here blog--where you can spout off lame as rhymes when you are scared and beaten. So you can change the subject rather than answer direct questions. Where you don't have to provide evidence because you employ that age old 'hood trick of getting the mob to cackle in your favor. You can place pictures of people however you like, control the content (hell have multiple aliases...all named anonymous or dx, to cosign your chin dribble).
But, tell me, how does it feel to be on your home court, in your own house, in your own bed, next to your woman...and be continually, and consistently beaten and emasculated.
Tell me how that feels. Do you let your woman see you get beat like a bitch intellectually, by so many, so often?
Or do you censor this stuff in your house? Just wondering how you get through the day.
Or do you have another cocktail party to dash off to in the "Benz"? Enjoy
Ahhhhh Jigaboo Please.
You married to a white woman.
Next.
And if I did, what is that supposed to mean?
Come on...it's on the tip of your tongue. Come on MOTI, you can say it.
Just say that not only are you a shallow, chauvanistic, self absorbed narcissist, who has been coddled too much by women...but you are also a racist. Just admit that you don't like white people, because you'd have to admit that you aspire to be as light, bright as them. It's OK, I'm here. You can talk to me. I know you need help. From the looks of your family pictures your damn near white yourself.
Except that you are self-hating bitch-negro, aren't you?
"Just admit that you don't like white people, because you'd have to admit that you aspire to be as light, bright as them."
LOLLLLLLLLL
AhhhhhhhhhhhhLOLOLOLOL
Ahhhhhhh maannnnnnnnn.
THAT'S FUNNY.
"Don't like white people".
Shiiiii ....
whew. Man. Good one.
Funny thing is. You telling on yourself again Doc.
You don't like Black people.
Because they obviously don't like you.
That's why you couldn't keep a sista.
And that's why you want to pretend sistas don't exist today.
So yes or no. Please answer the question for the jury sir. Are you or are you not married to a white woman? LOL.
If u were my husband and u dodged a question about being with me like u just did above we'd have some prah-lems.
RJEsq
MOTI,
For a man who is afraid of:
Facts
Independent women
The educated
Homosexuals
Anyone who disagrees with your nonsense, you sure to talk alot of shit. But that's because this is YOUR blog.
How about this brother-man. Take your clown show outside of the safety of this here blog, and your cackling bunch of cosigners. You won't because you are afraid of being dismissed as yet another lunatic standing on a crate selling snake-oil and woof-tickets.
DMG
I didn't see it as huddling in a corner to go to an HBCU.
It was free, and why wouldn't I want to get educated on a campus full of my people.
When a PWI offered to pay for my advanced degree, I took their money and still kept to myself.
No doubt there are cool white folks. I like many white folks, particulary the ones who are real about what they think and don't try to bullshit me. That said, I ain't had a white friend since I was 8-years old and his family fled the neighborhood because of white flight.
I've found that me and white folks can only go so far. We don't share the same mindsets on important issues. Every once in a while I'll stumble across a white person I could probably be friends with, but typically I meet them over the internet, not in real life. Plus, I'm an introvert in general so I don't like to have too many friends in the first place.
I like you DMG. But, the idea that the reason I don't have white friends is because I'm putting up fences is a little absurd.
From what I've seen, hite people don't want to deal with me on my terms, they want to deal with me on their terms. Well that ain't gonna happen if I can help it.
One last thing. The HBCU I attended, Howard University, is considered one of the top 100 schools in the country and has thousands of prestigious and powerful alumni. Yet, most white folks would rather attend podunk university in crappy town USA than come to the Mecca.
Who is building fences?
Big Man,
Everybody on this planet are your people. Free is a good reason. But I wasn't talking about HBCU's. I was talking about a medical school in Chicago. The white and Indian kids didn't restrict themselves to one corner and huddle together, so why should I?
What's a PWI?
"No doubt there are cool white folks."
Maybe they were just cool people. Period.
"I like many (people), particulary the ones who are real about what they think and don't try to bullshit me."
One substitution makes a difference.
"That said, I ain't had a white friend since I was 8-years old and his family fled the neighborhood because of white flight."
That's a shame. I feel bad for you honestly. I enjoy the company of people of many different backgrounds, ethnicities, countries of natural origin, religion, and languages. I can't imagine hearing opinions from only similar points of view so often.
But maybe this is a function of your introversion rather than them being white. I don't know you well so I can only suggest alternative reasons. Everyone deals with life differently. You seem like a cool, intelligent person. I'm sure alot of people would enjoy your company.
"Yet, most white folks would rather attend podunk university in crappy town USA than come to the Mecca."
To each his own. If more white kids went to Howard or the HBCU's...the university's atmosphere would change tremendously. Are you ready for that?
I read there was a big uproar about some white girl winning homecoming queen at an HBCU recently, and another about a white guy earning valedictorian at Morehouse. More uproar. Why? Do you think HBCU alumni would ACCEPT a non-black majority student body? I don't know, I'm not an alumni. What do you think? Does it matter? I think fences are built by any number of people.
Perhaps the white kids not attending Howard believe they'd get a reception similar to what is seen here on this blog. Or maybe maybe students who choose HBCU's feel as you do. I don't know. Again, I'm not an alumni.
I didn't choose my University by who else was going to be there. I chose it for the quality of education, course offerings, cost and to some degree location. I found the University of California, San Diego a good fit for me, especially with the near by Salk Institute, and really high quality research faculty and labs. It's nice to have an hour long conversation with a professor, only to find out he was a Nobel Prize winner after he's walked away.
DMG
You come to this website all the time and you still think black people have similar points of view because they have similar skin colors.
That's a damn shame. You telling me that you and I think alike? Or me and CNulan? Or you and DV?
Come on man, that's a mind trap. Black people come with all different type of mindsets. The myth of PWIs (predominately white universities) is that the promote diversity. I went to Howard. I met rich kids, poor kids, African, Rastas, Trinis, Dominicans and all other types of black folks. And some not black folks. Diversity was reality at Howard because skin color doesn't have anything to do with diversity. Howard attracts students from all over the world, and thus, provides its students with exposure to ever sort of person they could ever want to meet.
Only most of them have black skin.
As for the uproar over homecoming queen at Hampton (Make sure you get that right before I have to shank ya... Real HU over here) or the problem with white folks at Morehouse, it ain't a biggie.
The backlash from PWI's when they feel that there are too many black folks seeking position of authority is well documented. Hell, they'll let niggers play on the teams, but won't let them coach.
All groups segregate. It's amazing that white folks have been able to flip the script and convince so many black folks that they need to be in the vanguard of creating diversity by subjecting themselves to being the only black spot in a cup of cream. It's crazy how they've convinced us that integration is the key to success, while there is tons of evidence that the black community was more close-knit and powerful when he stayed together.
White folks goinna convince black people that going to school where you represent 5 percent of the population is "good for you" but then refuse to do that SAME damn thing themselves the majority of the time.
That's my point. Sure, lots of these PWIs offer great educations.
Ain't nothing wrong with getting educated wherever you feel comfortable. But, the important thing is being comfortable. There is no reason for black folks to subject themselves to mistreatment just to hang out around white folks in college. Later for that.
Big Man,
"You come to this website all the time and you still think black people have similar points of view because they have similar skin colors"
Actually, that's the EXACT OPPOSITE of what I believe, and have written so several times. Not sure where you get that...since well, I'M BLACK AND DAMN SURE DON'T HAVE SIMILAR VIEWS TO MOST OF YOU ALL HERE. I'm honestly scratching my head on that one. I'm curious how you came up with that.
I don't recall saying anyting bad about HBCU's...I looked at Howard, and Morehouse, along with alot of other universities, and based on what they offered academically I made my choice.
I've never heard the term PWI. Is this an acronym made up by the people who coined HBCU? I just consider them Universities, why the distinction?
"It's amazing that white folks have been able to flip the script and convince so many black folks that they need to be in the vanguard of creating diversity by subjecting themselves to being the only black spot in a cup of cream"
Let me reiterate. I didn't choose my university by who or who was not attending. I could give shit about cream, lemonade, chocolate, cake or banana cream pie. I can roll with anyone. Anytime. Anywhere. Any situation. That mentality of worrying about being the "only one" has done alot of black kids harm. The "only one" what? Is the amount of melanin in our skin our only descriptor? It's the beginning and end of our being?
If our host and I were the only black men in say a college dorm back in the day...do you think we'd hang out together? If our interactions online are any indication, very likely no. MOTI and I are probably polar opposites in many respects.
"But, the important thing is being comfortable."
No. Actually being able to perform OUTSIDE of your comfort zone is what's important. I say fuck comfort. If I wanted to feel comfortable and accepted, I wouldn't be on this website.
1. "...white folks have been able to FLIP THE SCRIPT and CONVINCE so many black folks"
2. "The BACKLASH from PWI's when THEY FEEL that there are too many black folks seeking position of authority is well documented."
3. "Hell, they'll LET niggers play on the teams, but won't LET them coach."
4. "White folks GONNA convince black people"
FLIP THE SCRIPT, CONVINCE, BACKLASH, THEY FEEL, LET, LET GONNA CONVINCE.
Wow, Big Man, you've ceded white people FAR too much power. The terms "White people" and "power broker" are not synonymous. When you come to realize that maybe you'll adjust your thinking.
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