I like my printer. I've always wanted one of those big old fat color laser printers at the crib. finally got me one. One of them HP joints. They did their thing with this one. This printer a beast.Of course my boys as soon as they saw it were like: "Ooohhh!! Can I print something!" Come running up with big color pictures of LeBron James and F-22 Raptors on their laptop.
I'm like. "Hey. Hey! Hey! Man. Back up! Now look. This aint no damn toy! This MY printer. You know how much ink costs in a machine like this!?! You can't just be ... printing cuz you feel like it."
Now the little one is looking at me like I told him me and mommy was getting a divorce. His brother starts singing some nonsense about "homework" and "school projects".
I'm like "Man look. Here's my old printer. Take this and set up over their on the counter in the kids office." Now they both looking at me like I'm that crackhead father in Hoop Dreams.
"What's the matter with you?"Big brother says: "It's not even color!"
Now I'm looking at him like he's crazy. "Man! You better get out of here with that. Dude you in 7th grade. Since when did a color printer become mandatory for 7th gotdamn grade? You must be crazy! I had a dot matrix in college. This is an HP 1200. A LAZER PRINTER! I've had this printer for years. I paid $199 for that printer! It's perfectly good. You know how much ink cartridges cost for these color printers? Damn near as much as the printer! You use your printer! If it's something special, ask me and I might, let you use mine!"
They walk away with my printer with the cord dragging on the floor mumbling under their breath.
I sit down at my desk exasperated, mumbling about "ungrateful so n so's".My daughter walks over and climbs up on the arm of my chair. She says "Daddy"?
Um hm boo boo?
"Daddy"
"Uh hm" " She puts her hands around my neck and says into my ear real fast:
"Um. I'm doing this dress up thing on DressUpGal.com on the computer and I made this really pretty dress up and its really pretty and I want to print it can I print something on your new printer in color?"LOL. Aight. "Sure boo boo. OK. But just 1 page OK? It's expensive."
So I select the printer for her in the chooser on her little lap top. Then I go over by the television to see my man Tiger put on a demonstration of a Global System of Black Supremacy.
After the first commercial break, I go into my office. There are 112 full-page color-copies of this little lavender haired huzzy, in various stages of dress sitting on top of my printer. I feel my eyes start blinking real fast as I fight back tears. For a minute it looked like smoke was coming from the printer.
I dutifully stuff this phone book size stack of paper in a manila folder and make my way to my daughters room. I can hear Michael Jackson's Butterflies spilling from under the crack of her door. I knock. My laughing daughter immediately throws open the door. She's in there with Valesca, the girl from a few houses over.
"Uh. Snack. Uh. Look here baby. I've got your picture you wanted printed. But uh, baby, you don't need to make so many copies because you see, uh, printing in color can be expensive and ...".
OK Daddy! I'm sorry! She smiles, snatches the folder from me and tosses it on her desk. They both giggle and get back to MJ. The door closes. I walk back downstairs to watch golf wondering why I wasn't mad. I don't know. If that was one of my sons ya'll would have seen my ass on the news.
15 comments:
Damn, you got played like a wii..
She tooled you like a Craftsman.
because she's pretty. And pretty girls always get what they want. I'm pretty sure that's in the bible somewhere...
LOL! This was a cute story & oh so familiar. Both of you, enjoy it while it lasts, you'll stop being Mr Nice Guy the day young fellas start calling at the house and you put her under lock n' key.
You permit your kids to use the internet? And what about handheld games?
Funny thing is that I view the relationship between kids and computers the way you see vaccines/pharmeceuticals/processed foods and humans. I totally disagree with the trend of making computers central to the learning process in primary grades. Not trying to disrespect or make a value judgment of you as a parent. Just an interesting observation.
Uhh... DV...
I say this as a guy who doesn't even have kids yet, let alone a daughter, but...
Maybe you might wanna fall back on giving your daughter *too* special a treatment over your boys.
Firstly, it can cause resentment, as they'll notice that you wouldn't allow them one page, but she gets 122. ("Dad always loved you more.", that sort of thing.)
Secondly, eventually she's going to learn that she's got pretty much free reign with you, which is a dangerous precedent. For instance, was the 122 pages thing an accident (because, y'know, you've got to try really hard to accidentally print that many pages, especially when the default is already 1.) or did she just do it because she knows daddy, and she knows she's got it like that.
And lastly, I remember earlier where you said that if she wants to play Wii first, she gets to play Wii first, and now this thing with the printer. I feel you on the idea that you don't want her to get the idea that she has to compete with men to get what she wants.
But neither should you give her the idea that the world will always cater to her first and foremost, because that won't always be the case.
The Doc aka Big Perm, I mean Big Worm (your name kills me!)certainly has a point, but if exceptional treatment is balanced with discipline; she'll learn soon enuff that the world is not given to her on a platter. There's five kids in my fam and I was favored by my Dad and so was my younger brother but moreso by my Mother. While this special status gave me diplomatic immunity when it came to punishment; there were some lines I never, ever crossed with my Dad. I wasn't really a naughty kid but when I was in trouble, I'd be crying and confessing the minute he raised his voice. I also caught onto the 'good game'. Do good, get goodlove. Do bad, get bad.
To a certain extent it did create tension between us; my younger sis got the leftovers or was a conincidental beneficiary of whatever my younger brother and I got. It was a prob when we were growing up, but as a kid I saw it as her being jealous and it only spurred me on to do good to get goodlove.
The favoritism is still very much like that even today, 'cept I don't play the game and my sister's my bestest, bestest friend ; ). For my older brothers knowing that the younger ones were the special ones also made them more protective over us and they're still that way today. We were lucky though, not that we're perfect, but unlike other families where favoritism has been the primary cause of sibling rift.
...peace
Zulu. You right. Like a Craftsman.
What up Pink?! In the bible huh? LOL. Gotta be scripture.
Hey KW. Yeah, I've been told to enjoy it while it lasts. Old man at the gym was telling me he had 4 daughters ... and every one of them lost their minds at 13.
I aint built for that. She going to come home one day and find me Googling "monasteries".
Big Doc!
LOL. I feel ya man.
But peep. I submit there is actually method to my madness.
I've found that kids are a little more sophisticated than we often give them credit.
For example, as rough and gruff as I am with my boys, they seem to sense Dad's tremendous respect for them and their abilities. They seem to sense that this is Daddy's way of encouraging them to be independent and self-sufficient. ("Aight. Dad. Later for you and your printer. I'm going to buy my own!")
It took some time but they seem invested in the process because they certainly believe they are tougher and more self-sufficient than their coddled peers.
They remind me of players on any team coached by Bill Parcels: "Yeah. He's ridiculous with the discipline. But it makes us winners. So cool."
As far as my daughter goes ... there exists method in that madness as well.
#1 she's the youngest.
#2 she's a girl.
Although she can knock out 20 push ups that would make a marine drill sergeant proud, I am careful not to communicate to her that she must compete with her brothers by imitating them.
Just as I go out of my way to acknowledge her brother's masculine toughness, I go out of my way to acknowledge, develop and reward my daughters feminine powers.
It is my suspicion that the last few decades of Feminist Engineering has devalued the art of feminine wiles to the detriment of women.
I want her to be aware that it is not only WHAT she says, but HOW she says it that can sway a man. (I’m working on her mother next)
Just as my sons know that if they want something from Dad … best thing to do is to man up, modulate your voice, step right up, look him in his eye, state your case and to react the same whether the answer is positive or negative.
My daughter knows I’m a sucker for sincere sweetness. She also knows to react the same whether the answer is positive or negative. Whining is a no no across the board.
As far as resentment, that doesn’t seem to be an issue. Her feminine wiles work on them too. They love her. They hold her hand when they walk to school. She feels safe. She shares everything she eats with them, and most importantly, she employs her influence over Pops to shield them from his wrath whenever they tear up the house or get into something they didn’t have any business being in to begin with.
I can be in the middle of my “Gotdammit! Who did this?! You must have lost your mind! I’ll ….
Then baby girl will step in with the … “Daddy, they didn’t do all of that. I made a mess too. We will clean it up. Don’t worry. John John you get the vacuum and I’ll wipe the table” …
Even Idi Amin would have cooled down after his daughter dropped that on him.
It’s a symbiotic, masculine feminine brother sister relationship. I’d like to think learning how to work WITH men is great preparation for her later in life.
"You permit your kids to use the internet? And what about handheld games?" Submariner
That's a good point sub. Something about which I am hyperconscious.
After a tremendous amount of trepidation I decided to allow my sons to use the internet. Like the Glocks and the Mossbergs in the crib, we consider the internet a dangerous but ultimately necessary tool.
The culture around the computers and television is not very much different than that employed at the firing range that we attend nearly weekly. Rules. Respect. Caution. The resigned expectation of danger. It’s not a question of ‘if’ something inappropriate will be encountered, it is only a matter of ‘when’. (Hand held video games? Hellll no. Little Wii golf or archery for some family competition. Loser does pushups, once every two weeks or so. That's about it.)
Just as there is no such thing as an unloaded gun, there is no such thing as a benign internet connection, TV show, movie or video game.
With that in mind, I’ve been proactive in training my children to police themselves. Just as if you were to put them in a car and drive past a MacDonald’s, you would hear a combined “ughhh … MacDonald’s … yuck”, you would witness a similar reaction to much of the unhealthy garbage that is encountered by children on the internet.
With that in mind, this is the information age. Failure to tap into the awesome power of the information and educational media accessible via computers and the internet today makes as much sense as people who abstained from books in the past, because of their inherent dangers.
For example, short of private air travel, is there a better way to view the world than Google Earth?
Secondly, my experience Sub, is that the quality of education and range of information available on the net, far surpasses that available in any school system. What school system is teaching 5th graders about Zept Tepi and pre-sand Egypt?
So, I feel you brother and you make a great point. But take it that I am as cautious with the computer and the internet regarding my children as you probably are with the vaccines and GMO food for your kids. Selective and suspicious.
Interesting story KW.
5 huh? Wow.
Yeah, I don't think parents just pick favorites ... I think some people just have better people skills than others.
And it often shows as kids.
It is what it is.
I agree with Doc.
Female self-entitlement and man-ipulation starts at home - with Daddy. You need to nip that ish in the bud.
Well Byrdeye ...
That's some personal shit you got going on.
Any man gets man-ipulated is because on a certain level ... he wanted to be man-ipulated.
From what I can tell baby girl will be turned off by punkishness on any level.
This a different league.
And you something you aint really got to worry about.
DV you are only human.
LOL. Thank you for understanding Anonymous.
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