Kimberly said ...
I was talking to a male friend of mine one day, just wishing that I had some man in my life that would take care of my car...keep it extra clean and what not. (The majority of us females just lack skill in that arena).He said in response. "I thought you had a son".
And I do. He just turned 11.
A moment of intense illumination occurred, and my car has been squeaky clean errrr since.
20 comments:
I don't know why this comment troubles me, but it does.
Something is missing.
The Father is missing from the discussion.
II,
No troubles. I'm a "single" mom.
I guarantee you that while my son is with his father, he is a different lil man, dutifully minding his father's commands.
My son is manipulative with women, including me. Most call it swag.
I've just flipped the script at my house.
Its troublesome for some because this little boy has basically been asked to step into the shoes of "her man."
While on the one hand, I see her intent. That is to teach her son some responsibility.
On the other hand, in many cases of a traditional COUPLE, the man takes care of the cars, i.e., washing, getting gas and repairs.
I think this is why this may strike some as off.
Funny.
You guys are totally missing the point.
Its troublesome for some because this little boy has basically been asked to step into the shoes of "her man."
Bingo.
I feel you Kimberly. You treat the boy like A man, not necessarily YOUR man... some woman will thank you for that in the future.
Thanks Pink. It's pretty much as simple as that.
Boy already knows how to wash the car. He does it at his daddy house. Now he does it as mine.
All this pyscho babble about role playin as "my man" is just a bit much.
I get you, Kimberly. My son is 2 1/2 and is already taking out the trash. He enjoys it and is proud of himself when he does.
Not sure its psychobabble Kimberly. We have had previous conversations here about single women raising sons and how the relationship gets "out of whack" so to speak because sometimes the mom turns the male child into her companion.
I AM NOT SAYING THIS IS WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH YOU. So no need to defend that point.
I am saying folks' feeling (right, wrong or indifferent), likely stem from things related to that prior conversation.
As I said, I can see both sides. I also think the way you framed the anecdote had much to do with people's reactions.
Had you simply said "my son washes his dad's car, when I learned this I started to require that he wash mine," I dont think you would have gotten the response that you did.
If I'm not mistaken...I didnt go back and re-read, you were the one who tied the situation in to your being single? No?
As I thought......
"I was talking to a male friend of mine one day, just wishing that I had some man in my life that would take care of my car...keep it extra clean and what not....."
Therein lies the problem.
Off to lunch. Happy 4th everyone!
"Not sure its psychobabble Kimberly. We have had previous conversations here about single women raising sons and how the relationship gets "out of whack" so to speak because sometimes the mom turns the male child into her companion. "
-Glad I wasn't around for that one
Have a good weekend...
What up RJ?
You went way back into the archives on that one. I see your point.
But I feel Kimberly.
It is what it is.
Lil man IS "a" man in her life.
Real men do manly things.
Men fill vacuums.
Part of the reason God gave women sons was to serve as men in their lives.
Everybody doesn't have an Ozzie and Harriet.
In the past Daddy often got killed in war, or hurt while farming. They often went on trips and never returned. Sometimes they just disappeared.
Families were often left with a mother and multiple children. The older boys had to step up.
At 4 years old they were playing with fake guns. At 8 years old they were hunting so their family could eat.
11 year old boys plowed and planted fields. They fixed roofs. They got jobs and gave the money to their mothers.
Women raised boys with the INTENT of make them men. Their survival often depended on it.
Today, most women subconsciously discourage their boys from developing into men, because they view men, particularly black men, as attractive, but dangerously flawed.
Sounds to me like Kimberly is welcoming her sons development into manhood. She happy to see it.
As he grows, she will feel safer when he is at home, because she has a man in the house. Her son.
I think that's the way it's supposed to be.
This is why it's best to stay with your mate, even when things aren't as perfect as the fecking fairy tale sold to you on TV. Most women are sooo quick to want to leave their man, then they get single and realize nobody wants them because they have kids. STAY WITH YOUR MAN AND LEARN TO BE LOYAL.
I Wonder as I Wander, you must live in a bubble if you think a woman with kids can't get a man. Nowadays men are more shocked when you don't have children. And how do you know who left whom, maybe he left her in which case what should she do, stalk him? Maybe he was a male whore and running out fucking everything he could with no condom and exposing her to STD's, should she still stay? Maybe he was on the downlow and taking it up the ass every time she turned her back... should she still stick it out? Those black and white answers sound real good when you have no real life basis to apply them to.
There is an interesting undercurrent of judgement towards single mothers on this blog from readers. While I understand how Kimberly's post could have been misconstrued, Mr. Wonder's comments are a little out of pocket.
As Pink stated- you have no idea how or why single mothers become single. Clearly you have been cheated on, left and hurt. Sorry for your pain, but let's use a little common sense here.
Two parents are the ideal, but shit happens. No, a child should not take on the role of "man in mommy's life." Yes, a single mother should raise her son to be a good man. Big difference between the two.
Actually, I've been married to my wife for seven years and I have two sons (with her). I'm just tired of watching all my female friends whore around after they get divorced over nothing. I have one friend in particular who left her husband because she caught him cheating ONCE. Now, she's taking their two-year old son on sleepovers at other niggas' houses. If she calls me lookin' for me to co-sign on that shet, she gets an earful. I tell her straight up: you are a whore. You should have stayed with your husband and worked it out like a real woman would have.
(thestateof)
Well is Kimberly one of those friends??? If not, you don't know her situation or whether or not she's a whore.
Wonder - your friend is out of pocket - true enough.
Question though, did you you give her husband the same amount of shit??? Probably not. Is he a whore for sticking his dick in another woman ONCE? Probably not. What are you taking this so personally for? You're little vitriolic outburst reeks of insecurity. Have you been placing some things where they don't belong? Eh? Not even ONCE?
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