Daughters and Sons Continued

Oh God. That's Snack. Did she slip on the tile floor? Is she hurt bad? Oh God, my baby aint up there bleeding is she? I told her brothers to dry the floor when they got out the shower. Damn! Man, she better not be hurt.

I hit the steps running. Boom. Boom. Boom. I'm at the top.

"DAAAAA DEEEEEEEEEEE!! DAAAAA DEEEEE!!!!"

I'm here baby. I'm here!

I burst into the bathroom. Baby girl is standing in the middle of the bathroom floor ballin' like she's been shot. Her green and yellow Gymboree pants are gathered around her ankles.

What's the matter baby!

"Ughh Ughh Ughh ... Da Da Daaaaaa Deeeee!!! My brothers put something on the toilet seat!!"

What?

"My brothers put something ... nasty ... on the toilet seat!!"

What?

She turns around revealing a heart shaped circle of white shaving cream perfectly framing her ass. It looks like a halo.

I try not to laugh as I get into drill sergeant mode.

What! Who did that! I march into her brothers room. Big brother sits on his bed pretending to read. His head is down and he is laughing so hard his shoulders shake. Little brother is stares up at me like he has no idea what I'm talking about. In his hand is a tall can of Gillette Foamy Shaving Cream. The cap is off and white foam is all over his clothes. There is more evidence linking him to this crime than was in OJ's Bronco.

Sounding like Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction -
"I'm gonna say this once. Who. Put. Shaving. Cream. On the toilet seat?!"

Silence.

Little brother looks at me like I asked him who shot JR Ewing. He has no clue what I'm talking about. Big brother is trying not to laugh so hard tears are streaming down his face. Little sister stands behind me with her lips poked out. "Give him a beatin' Daddy!"

Little Brother shouts "I aint do nothin' to you!"

What he says is so preposterous, even he had to laugh.

"Aight. Look. Since you think I'm crazy. I'm going upstairs. I'm getting all of my belts! If by the time I get back, that mess is not cleaned up, that shaving cream not wiped off your sisters ass and the bathroom is not cleaned up before Mommy gets home, I'm going to start swinging and I don't care who I hit!"

I walk out of the room, put my hand over my face and collapse against the wall quietly cracking up.

Snack comes out the room.

"Don't cry Daddy. I'm a be alright."