I've never had a problem meeting women. In fact I meet more than my share. The problem is that I get involved with women who ride the fence between independent educated “don’t–need-no-man” and “smack my ass & be my daddy”.The girl I am with now is 31, makes OK money but hates her job. I can tell she wants to leave, but what else is she going to do? She spent her whole life going to school, college, graduate school and working jobs she doesn't even want. She says she wants a family, but when I tell her to come on, be my wife and the mother of my kids, she starts talking about "not wanting to give up her career yet". Daryl M.
Daryl,
I hear you. But something doesn't add up. No matter how much women talk about "career", when faced with a real opportunity to be with a man and raise a family, most seem to take the later. That is, if they are feeling the man in question. A) Be sure this young lady wants to be with you. B) If she does, lay your cards flat and make it clear that you intend to move forward, with her or with somebody else. C) If she hesitates, find another woman.
8 comments:
why does she have to give up her career to be his wife and have his children? Can he take up the slack income wise? If so, hey give it a shot. Other than that I agree with the advice. If he wants to be with the chick he should say so, mean it and act like it.
Too many do the following:
1) say so but dont act like it
2) act like it but dont say so.
3) want to but wont act like it or say so.
The plight of women.......
Maybe she just needs some time off from work? Maybe even a vacation would do it? I don't understand why she has to pick career or work, she can have both...just not in equal measure.
If a 31-year old woman is "riding the fence" on a relationship with you, she is not the one for you. Most of the 31-year old women I know would marry just about anybody that proposed, so long as he met some basic criteria.
You seem to have found yourself one of the many brainwashed ones - the kind that thinks careers means a hoot.
Get rid of her.
Big J
Just yesterday, I told the man I'm dating that I've decided not to pursue my career to the highest degree (as initially planned) because in the next few years I want to be able to concentrate on my impending family with no qualms. I certainly plan to pursue opportunities that come my way, but my focus has totally flipped from working myself to death in pursuit of the highest salary and position possible, to being HAPPY. I’m just not going to let my career ambitions get in the way of what will really make MY life fulfilling. Every woman has to decide for herself, what that is. I've decided and am comfortable with it.
Oh and, I don't believe for a second that a 31 year old WOMAN doesn't know what (who) she wants. That's bogus. We know what we want when we're like, 12. Had the post been about a man, then I'd at least understand.
I think it's time to move on, brother.
Very interesting Erika.
1) How did your young man respond?
2) Does this come as a surprise to you? Meaning, was there a time you considered starting and raising a family less important to you than it appears now?
3) Knowing what you know now, and feeling the way you feel now, would you have done anything differently? Would you have pursued a career in law? Would you have chosen the men you did or did not date any differently?
1) How did your young man respond?
Well, my statement was in context of the conversation we were having...he asked why I've slacked on the job hunt I undertook recently. I explained that I'm contemplating more, where I want to be in the next 5 years, and “career” wasn’t at the top of that list. It’s on there…just not near the top. He nodded in as if in agreement and said, “Okay…I feel you.” He and I have been friends for many years and only recently started dating, so while marriage isn’t discussed often, I’ve made clear that if he isn’t sincere, he needs to kick rocks. He’s still here.
2) Does this come as a surprise to you? Meaning, was there a time you considered starting and raising a family less important to you than it appears now?
Not a surprise at all. I’ve always wanted to marry and have children, but it was always more important to me to feel confident about the quality of man I’m with. What is it that makes him a good man? I don’t believe I’ve sold myself short by focusing on education, setting goals and achieving them…I concentrated on my development and wouldn’t trade a day of my journey. Because of it, I know myself, am comfortable with myself, and am ready to move on to the next phase in my life. I always believed that marriage and family would fall into place once I found the right man to partner up with. The guy I’m dating now is surely a good guy and we have a great relationship…but marriage? I can see it, but I don’t rush anything, I let God work.
3) Knowing what you know now, and feeling the way you feel now, would you have done anything differently? Would you have pursued a career in law? Would you have chosen the men you did or did not date any differently?
I wouldn’t change a thing. Altering my journey would have hindered my development. Then I wouldn’t be who I am, today. And I LOVE me today. Oh, and I’m not a lawyer :-)
To the original email writer:
Sit her down and explain to her how you really feel.
I have to ask - what kind of relationship does she have with her father, and if there IS and has never been, any father in the picture, then you better think about this seriously, because she might not even understand what she's giving up.
IF she has had a positive father in her life on a consistent basis, and she's 31 years old, and already has completed the 'good education', then I have to agree with others - ' she's just not that into you.'
From the age of 30, I knew that when I met that man, who had prospects (that I could see within the next decade and I was more than willing to help him achieve them), then I would be good to go.
SOME WOMEN honestly do not want to have the marriage and the kids, but I take that group to be S-L-I-M, about 15% of the population, especially Black female population. Black women want to be married. Some of us have never seen it, and don't know how to do it successfully, but we still want it.
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